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Writing fiction – assignment 5

Question 1

This required me to record and transcribe a conversation. I’m not going to reproduce this here because some of it is private.

Question 2

This required me to turn the transcription into something that could be included as dialogue in a story. I’m not going to reproduce it for the same reason.

Question 3

This question asked for three different dialogues, taken from a given selection, or a made up one.

Sacking an employee

In she walked, the Jezebel. Swaying her hips and somehow bouncing, despite her smooth carriage.

‘Please have a seat, Ms. Jones.’ I spoke pleasantly, belying my inner storm.

‘How can I help, Mr. Smith?’ Her voice was low and seductive, and she crossed her long legs provocatively.

She knows, I thought. But it’s too late.

‘I’m sorry it’s come to this, Ms. Jones. Mrs. Brown has come to me about your recent performance. She said she has instructed you time and again to wear clothing more suited to our office environment, and that you have been tardy several times over the last month. She also says that she has repeatedly told you to stay away from social media during work hours.’

‘She has?’ Her harlot’s eyes began to fill, and her voice took on a wavering note that was purely designed to weaken my resolve. ‘But she said that everything was going to be okay, that she was going to smooth things over.’

‘Rules are rules, Ms. Jones, and I will not have them mocked.’ I put iron into my voice, speaking the words I had rehearsed. ‘I manage this branch, and your standard of dress and slipshod approach to your work here campaign against the high standards upheld by other employees.’

Her lower lip trembled momentarily, and then she started crying in earnest. I steeled my heart against her and sat, unmoved. After a few moments, she fired one last salvo. ‘Mrs. Brown said that customers liked me, and she said that I brightened the branch up. Th- that I had a p- positive effect on m- morale!’

She was wailing now, the trollop. ‘Please leave now, Ms. Jones,’ I ground out. ‘Security is waiting for you at my door. Gather your effects from your workstation and exit the premises. You will be sent two weeks’ pay in lieu of notice.’

She stood and turned, her shapely figure trembling with the force of her emotion. She left my office, the embodiment of feline grace.

How dare she? Working here for months, parading around in next to nothing, all availability and come-hither looks for the customers, and all of the staff. Everyone.

Except me.

Detective interviewing a criminal suspect

Detective John Taylor touched a button, and a green light started glowing. John closed his eyes. ‘This is Detective John Taylor, interviewing suspect Frank Williams. Interview starts at two-oh-one the morning of January 1, 2019.’

John rubbed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them. He looked at Frank. ‘Mr. Williams, let me get right to the point. Actually, do you mind if I call you Frank?’

Frank shook his head, somewhat apprehensively.

‘What, I can’t call you “Frank”?’ Already, the exasperation was building.

‘No, I don’t mind if you call me “Frank.” It’s my name.’

‘Frank, then. Frank, what the hell were you thinking?’ John paused. Frank just sat there, doing his best impression of a deer caught in the headlights of an approaching road train.

‘You’re in a very serious situation here. You’ve tampered with the city’s traffic management system, occasioning some grievous injuries, and some of these may become fatalities. We’re going to hit you with every charge we can think of, including pulling off-duty officers away from their New Year’s Eve parties. It’s certain that you’re going to end up in jail.’

‘No, it’s not.’

‘Not what?’ John was thrown a bit of stride. He wasn’t used to that kind of denial.

‘Certain. That I’m going to jail.’

‘Yes, it is.’

‘No, it’s not.’

‘It is! We’ve got a clear trail of evidence from the software that controls the traffic management system to your IP address, to your home. We found you sitting in front of your computer, with the hacking software active. I don’t know how you did it, but you got the red light cameras to recognise cabs, and you got something else to change all the lights in the intersection to green whenever you spotted one. People got hurt in so many accidents that we still haven’t finished counting.’

John paused again, waiting for something, anything from this strange little man. Nothing changed. Then Frank blinked once. Twice. Then nothing.

‘Well?’ asked John.

Frank blinked again. ‘Well, what?’

‘Don’t you have anything to say?’

‘About what?’

John closed his eyes again. Took a deep breath. Opened his eyes. ‘About the charges the state will be pressing against you.’

‘It’s not certain. Nothing is.’

‘Oh, Frank. This is most definitely certain.’

‘But nothing is certain,’ Frank almost wailed, showing emotion for the first time. ‘My mum told me! “Nothing is certain,” she said, “except death and taxis.”’

‘Taxes,’ John corrected, almost absently.

‘And now I’ve proved that we can’t rely on them— what?’

‘Taxes,’ said John. ‘“Nothing is certain except death and taxes.” That’s the saying.’

The colour drained from Frank’s face, and his mouth dropped open. Then it closed with a ‘clop’ sound. He put his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands.

A lull in the action

‘You OK?’ The encrypted radio issued a burst of static when I released the button.

Bill answered almost immediately. ‘For the moment. You?’

‘I’m good. Where are you? I lost track of you after that grenade dropped between us. I went back and left, into the alley. The shrapnel just blew straight past.’

‘I went right and ended up behind a dumpster.’

‘The Veolia one?’

Yes, the Veolia one. Geez. I mean, how many dumpsters did you see?’

‘Sorry. Hey, it was pretty loud from where I was. How’s your hearing?’

‘There’s a lot of ringing going on, but we’re talking, right?’

‘Yeah, yeah.’

There was a pause, and then Bill asked how I was doing for ammo.

‘Uh … getting a little low,’ I said. ‘Probably got enough for what we have to do, but I won’t be bringing any back.’

There was a bit of a pause.

‘Steve?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I might be able to lob a couple of clips over to where you are.’

‘What, haven’t you been using it?’

‘It’s not so much that I haven’t been, but that I won’t be.’

My breath caught in my throat for a moment.

‘What happened?’

‘I think some of that shrapnel came through under the dumpster. I thought I was OK, because I couldn’t feel anything wrong. But I can’t feel my legs. It doesn’t hurt, Steve.’ He paused. ‘But there’s so much blood.’ His voice was getting weaker, but he sounded somehow disgusted. ‘I’m going to die in a puddle of my own blood.’

‘I’ll be over there in a sec.’ I fished around in one of my many pockets and pulled out a small mirror. I edged it out of the mouth of the alley at the level of the pavement. I wanted to find out if I could see what the opposition was doing. A shot rang out, and the mirror spun off down the road.

‘You OK?’ Bill’s voice was the merest whisper, and the radio’s burst of static sounded somehow tired.

I pushed the button on the side of the radio. ‘For the moment.’

Enesi Yavala – round 2

This is a continuation from my original Enesi Yavala article.

Things had settled down, and we’d got on with our lives … poorer, but hopefully wiser. Then the whole question resurfaced. A fellow called me on the phone (I’ll call him ‘Bob’) and said he had been pastoring Enesi, calling him to account, and walking him through a process of repentance and healing. He had access to some accounts set up by Enesi in Australia, and was able to go about making restitution to people Enesi had been involved with. In fact, Enesi had always been who he presented himself to be in terms of a mover and shaker and very wealthy, but was misguided. Nevertheless, he was responding to Bob’s pastoring efforts. Oh, and the web site I had there was making it hard for Enesi to move on.

I was immediately suspicious. Bob had said he had been a COC pastor, so he was a trustworthy guy. He had all the language right, so rather than just dismissing him out of hand, I looked him up. I found two LinkedIn profiles that corresponded with his name and some information he’d given about his current work situation, but they weren’t in agreement about his periods of work (one says he started in January 2009, the other said he started in June 2010). There was no mention of being a pastor. I looked up the companies that he mentioned on his profile … one is supposed to be a humanitarian organisation, but the web site is in maintenance mode; there are a total of six tweets, all dated from July 17, 2012; the Facebook page has no stories. It was registered with ACNC (Australian Charities and Not-for-profits Commission) in 2016, but has reported no assets, liabilities or turnover. There is only one volunteer. The other company mentioned has no web presence at all according to Google, except for references to one of Bob’s LinkedIn profile pages. I’ve kept snips of all of these pages, and will publish them along with the URLs if I believe it becomes worthwhile. It’s possible that Bob has been duped by Enesi too, and I don’t want to damage innocent parties.

So Bob got in contact with me. He told me he’d been working with Enesi, and they were working on restitution. They paid back a close friend who had given Enesi money, so my friend was brought back to zero owing. Bob said that there were two Australians working together with Enesi, and the other was a prominent lawyer who was satisfied that everything was on the up and up. I wrote an email to that lawyer asking if he was actually involved with Enesi or Bob, and didn’t receive a response. Talking to a lawyer friend of my own, he said that I should have received an acknowledgement of that email, and if there was any conflict of interest, the response should have been something along the lines of ‘thanks for your email, I’ll respond in due course.’

Then they started putting more pressure on me to take the original web page down. After the initial contact, neither of them attempted to contact me, but worked through my friend. Information that trickled through was that Enesi was starting to move in bigger circles, and my page was causing him embarrassment.

‘[A prominent ex-banking figure] is helping [Bob] with this [transfer of funds] in New York this week and with Enesi’s status and heritage role is a key figure to endorse the funds release. The problem is any blemishes on the reputation or character of Enesi to endorse these funds is detrimental to him being able to approve this funding. Enesi is currently doing business and feels strongly the web presence of the negative report has hurt his business potential re-establish himself in the marketplace and especially now with 3rd party partners in business (corporately) are being maligned and hurt also.’

Then they went on about being grieved over not having been able to talk to me (I had received no calls, texts or emails from either Bob nor Enesi after April 20, 2018), and that they were taking legal action to shut the site down. My friend recommended that I take the site down before litigation began, and said that they were very serious. Enesi wanted desperately not to have this as a legacy to our relationship. I chose to ignore this advice, as I believed at the time that the threats were empty.

Time passed …

On August 6, 2018, I sent an email to my friend saying that the domain name I registered for Enesi (eyavala.com, for which he never paid) was going to expire, and I wasn’t going to spend money to renew it. I had put a redirect on that site so that when you visited it, you’d be redirected to this site with the text ‘Content pending’. In my email I explained my take on things:

  • that Enesi had not changed;
  • that my web site was making it difficult to dupe other people;
  • that he had either duped Bob or engaged him as an accomplice;
  • that they were using him (my friend) to put pressure on me to take down the content.

I understood that he saw things differently, and that he wanted me to extend a level of grace to them. I did that, but I had conditions. I wanted to know how long it would take them to make good on their promises. A bit of back and forth, and the content was removed from Google and Bing search results, and I told them I wanted two things: first, a date by which they would provide a plan of when they would deliver the second thing; and second, their plan to fulfil their promises including dates and amounts.

On August 10, 2018, this turned up:

Enesi was in a bad accident 2 and half weeks ago and not contactable until today – 3 dead, small taxi van – he was asleep in back seat and woke up in a wreck – 4 broken ribs – slow recovery (heavily medicated for pain) , he is catching up on all the communications since then –

So me being me, I went and searched for the image on Google (did you know you can do that?) and found this article … they didn’t mention Enesi’s name.

September 3, 2018 I followed up, asking if they’d come back with a timeframe. Apparently the lawyer was stalling the receipt of ‘such large sums’ into his trust account because of the banks’ tight scrutiny of funds transfers from foreign contries. Enesi was ready and willing, but waiting until the lawyer was comfortable. Having said that, it would be shortly or the end of the month.

October 11, 2018 I followed up again. I said it sounded like the old delays, so I was going to put the content back up. My friend and I discussed this for a bit, and I agreed to hold off until today (November 5). Nothing has happened, so the pages have gone up.

There are a couple of things that I’m expecting when these pages go up:

  • ‘Take it down or we’ll get lawyers involved’
  • ‘We were just about to get back to you with the plan!’
  • ‘We were just about to transfer some money, but now that the content is back up, we can’t in good conscience do that’

I’ll put transcripts of whatever communication is received from either Enesi or Bob on this page, regardless of any instructions to the contrary.

Enesi Yavala – be careful in your dealings with him

This page was originally hosted on http://eyavala.com. Because the domain expired, and I wasn’t inclined to spend money on renewing it, I’ve pull it into my blog as of August 8, 2018. It stayed as a draft for some time, and was published on November 5, 2018. Please see my round 2 article for more details. Updates applied to this article are in italics.

I’ve reduced this site to pretty much this page, because I have a story to tell.

Who am I? Just a guy that Enesi got to buy this domain name, and help him set up a web presence. Since then, he’s disappeared, and I’m finally getting around to telling this story. Enesi, if you ever read this, know that I’m not particularly angry … the money you received wasn’t particularly necessary to my wife and me, but I’m forced to wonder at the truth of anything you said.

Enesi turned up at our church, and told our pastors that the answer was “Yes.” God was going to provide the funds we so desperately needed. Enesi said that he was a businessman worth a lot of money, and he had something like $600 million stored around the globe, and he was going to give some of it to the church. It was locked up in various accounts: some in South Africa; some in the US. He was on the run from the Fijian government, being in political exile. He had a story to tell about how God had woken him with a dream, and how he had to leave Fiji at moment’s notice, but if you’re reading this, you’ve probably heard the story.

Anyway, he didn’t have access to the funds right then because the accounts were frozen by the courts, but he did have enquiry-only access to one account via phone banking. He was at our house, and he got me to go to the Wells Fargo banking web site. He dialled the phone number (I was a little surprised he didn’t just log in with a browser, but hey … security concerns, right?) and entered an account number and a password. He used a menu to get the balance, and it read out a balance of something in excess of $US54M. Later, I came to believe that that was not his account, and the reason he didn’t log in on the browser is that we would have seen an account owner name that had nothing to do with him or his companies.

I did a web search on him, and didn’t find much. I found a link to this interview (wayback machine link as the interview was removed from the ABC site) on the ABC’s web site, and it seemed legit. I found a couple of photos of him around the place, but there were a couple of things that were of concern.

  • First, a consultant had mentioned him in a project plan, and then put the plan (and a whole lot of other people’s plans) on a shared drive that Google subsequently indexed and made available to the world. I got in contact with the consultant and told him how to get the information out of Google’s search results, and after a period of time, this happened.
  • There is this document (wayback machine link as Fiji’s online hansard now only extends back to 2014) that lists Enesi as a “Cancelled Liquidation Case”, but he was also mentioned as having been found guilty of “fraudulent conversion”, and the denial of appeal is noted here. This fraud carried a suspended prison sentence.

Anyway, over a period of a couple of years, Enesi dropped in and out of our lives, always with the promise that the gift was just around the corner. Reasons why he needed money were:

  • He needed to open a “wealthy client” account so he could transfer significant sums into it. That was to cost thousands of dollars.
  • He needed a visa so he could get back into the country. I offered to pay this directly since I’d become suspicious by this time. I checked the prices for his visa on the US web site, and it was significantly cheaper than what he said he needed (something like a quarter of the price). He said not to bother.
  • He needed help towards airfares to get to South Africa and later Saudi Arabia because the transactions were of such an amount that he needed to be there in person.

He later went to Singapore and said that he’d got his investors together. He sent photos of the office space, and he also sent electronic copies of documents with Embassy seals outlining the investment he was making. Turns out that nothing came of this either.

Something I have discovered since then that he has been involved in a few different schemes, maybe because the church thing had run out (I somewhat doubt it), but it looks like he’s branching out. It also looks like he’s caused some other dramas on the Central Coast of NSW, Australia.

The reason for this page is so that people who are caught up in this web of promises can have a look at what’s down the path. There is a continued promise of great blessing, but also a continued stream of demands. Enesi presents himself as a warm and generous person, and maybe there is hope for him. Don’t know. I do know that the help he needs is not financial.

Exponential growth

OK, this is a rant. Pure and simple. I just got tired of people talking about exponential growth, particularly with regard to churches. I’m not against church growth … far from it. But I’d prefer it two steps down from exponential. I like arithmetic growth.

Let’s pick an example that Australian Christians should be able to relate to. Say you start a church, and there are 10 people. Things go pretty well, and at the end of the year, you have a congregation of 100 people. ‘Wow!’ someone says. ‘Exponential growth! Let’s keep that up!’ Exponential growth is problematic, though. It’s either too slow or WAAAY too fast.

Here’s a table with the different simple types of growth that are available.

Growth type 2018 2019 2020 2021 2022
Arithmetic 10 100 190 280 370
Geometric 10 100 1,000 10,000 100,000
Exponential 10 100 10,000 100,000,000 10,000,000,000,000,000

So how does this work?

Arithmetic growth is pretty easy to calculate. The difference between 10 and 100 is 90, so every year you add another 90. I’d regard this as sustainable.

Geometric growth is pretty easy too. 10 is 1/10th of 100, so every year you multiply by 10. I don’t know how long such growth could be maintained.

Exponential growth is trickier. 100 is 10 x 10, so every year you multiply your attendance by itself (squaring it). Then the sequence goes 10² = 100; 100² = 10,000; 10,000² = 100,000,000, and 100,000,000² = 10,000,000,000,000,000. Clearly ridiculous.

But maybe I’m being ridiculous! Remember I said above that exponential growth can be slow. Instead of going with an exponent of 2 (squaring), we could go with a smaller value. Let’s try a few.

Exponent 2018 2019 2020 2021 2022
1.2 10 16 28 55 123
1.3 10 20 49 157 716
1.4 10 25 91 553 6,915
1.5 10 32 181 2,435 120,157

Just so you know, even the ridiculously slow growth of 1.2 turns mean after 2022. The next numbers are 322, 1,022, 4,086, 21,555 and 158,583. So no. Exponential growth is not a good thing.

Writing fiction – assignment 4

Question 1

This question required me to write down whatever I could about a place I’d never visited. I then had to research the place properly and, then compare and contrast my assumed knowledge and the facts. There was nothing particularly creative about my assumptions and research concerning Havana, Cuba, so I’m not going to reproduce it.

Question 2

The task here was to spontaneously write three opening sentences or paragraphs to introduce each of the following. Well, looking back at that, I don’t think I did too well with the “spontaneous” thing. Quite a bit of thought went into each of the following three items.

Setting

The day was warm and dry, and the waves washed gently on to the shore. Large Norfolk Island pines shaded the table, its occupants, and the takeaway meal that had so recently been wrapped in butchers’ paper. Without warning, a kookaburra swooped between the couple, speared a piece of fish and flew off to perch in a tree overlooking the beach. In keeping with the day, it laughed. Its victims laughed too, and one of them took a picture of the bird, posting it to Snapchat.

Character

‘I was thirty-five,’ she said to me, ‘because I remember waking up on my thirty-sixth birthday and feeling so very alone.’ She looked down at her hands, entwined unmoving in her lap. She was no longer pretty, but grief had softened her features and when she eventually looked up, I saw resilience rather than hardness.

Event

The rollercoaster, locked into its loop, passed shatteringly over the weakening piece of track. The tiny section of mechanical fatigue that had started as an imperfection too small to be detected by quality control procedures grew. And grew again. And then, one morning, just after the cars had crashed over the flaw, it broke. Not that anyone saw it. Not then. But as the rollercoaster raced around the track yet again, accompanied by squeals of excitement, the section fell away. Amid shrieks of tortured metal and mechanical carnage, the squeals gave way to screams. Then, for a moment, there was silence.

Question 3

I had to conceive four different ideas for stories, and explain how they came to be.

Story idea 1 (Comedy)

Bartholomew (Barry) Sherman, a renegade submarine captain who became a pirate, and Harriet (Harry) Forster, the owner of an illegal arms warehouse near the Mediterranean coast, tire of their jobs. Near the start of the story, they trade places. Both overcome their underlings’ inevitable opposition and take such joy in their new roles that they start to reconfigure them. Harry starts attacking other pirates for their loot and rescuing whatever captives the other pirates have taken; Barry starts sabotaging his competitions’ shipments and funnelling stolen arms to oppressed people.

This started out as a dream I remembered.

Story idea 2 (Fantasy drama)

Tom Thumb finds himself in Lilliput and must reconcile the fact that despite being with people his own size, he is still persecuted … simply because he is an outsider.

This was another nocturnal notion, but not a dream.

Story idea 3 (Science fiction drama)

Set in the near future, everyone in Western culture has wearable technology. Network access is ubiquitous, as are cameras and access to them. This makes is possible (for instance) to see around corners using augmented reality. While the physical appearances of buildings and their internals are boring and colourless, everyone walks through an environment of their own selection. A young man is brought into this milieu from a remote village in India to study theology. The story explores his culture shock, the relationships in which he finds himself, how he deals with the conflict between what he regards as God’s will and his hosts’ lifestyle, and what compromises he makes to function in this environment.

My wife and I are currently sponsoring such a young man as he engages with Youth With a Mission’s Discipleship Training School.

Story idea 4 (Fantasy satire)

An elf with a flair for engineering starts bucking the system by dreaming up or discovering mundane solutions to problems that are traditionally solved magically. It would be designed to poke a bit of fun at people who have ‘sacred cows’ in how they deal with situations.

This started out with an ‘out of the ordinary situation’ (an imp disrupting luggage processing at an airport), and somehow took a left-hand turn into something quite pointy.