Author: Phil

Writing fiction – assignment 3

Question 1

The task here was to develop a fictional character based on some real-life observations.

Gilbert Fitzgerald

What he looks like

Gil Fitzgerald is 170 cm tall and weighs 95 kg. He has dark hair, a circle beard and he only shaves twice a week.

He wears glasses with fairly heavy black frames.

His gait is a little awkward. His extra weight is impacting his posture, and he doesn’t make the effort to stand up straight. When he walks, his toes are much further apart than his heels. He doesn’t lift his feet very high, and often his feet slide along the ground. When he does lift his feet, they land heavily.

At work, he is required to wear the ‘front-of-house’ uniform. This is a red shirt, with black shoes, pants, jacket, apron and cap. This is OK by him, because by choice, he wears fairly similar clothes when he’s away from work.

Gil doesn’t look happy. He doesn’t make an effort to keep his demeanour light, and has an enervating impact on those around him. It’s like there is more gravity when he’s around, making everyone feel heavier.

Where he lives

Gil and his mother (Kylie) live in the suburbs. The house is a small three-bedroom home. Gil’s mum keeps the house very tidy, but he refuses to let her into his room. It is his sanctuary, and he has it configured the way he wants. There is a computer, and X-box and some really good speakers. The bed is an ensemble with an inner-spring mattress.

Relationships

Gil’s father (Glen) died after a very brief bout with cancer when Gil was eight years old. Glen was insured, and the insurance was enough to pay out their house, so Gil and his mum didn’t have to worry too much about money. However, Glen’s absence has had a significant impact on Gil’s life. Gil doesn’t tell anyone that his father is dead; rather he says that his father left when he was eight. He doesn’t want to have to put up with condolences, and it seems like most people have had a parent leave, so that’s a pretty normal thing to face. His imagination sometimes runs away with him, and he feels that there is dad out there who might want to come back and get to know him.

Kylie (Gil’s mum) has got on with life but has never tried to strike up a relationship with another man. She is very particular about her environment and is a bit of a ‘neat-freak’ without being clinically obsessive. She has tried not to lean too hard on Gil for emotional support, but well-meaning friends spoke to Gil about being the ‘man of the house’ soon after Glen died, and she’s concerned that he’s taken too much weight upon himself. Gil doesn’t talk to her very much, so she’s not sure how he really feels about that. Kylie has read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and is pretty sure she can’t make him share his feelings with her but doesn’t know how to get him to open up safely. She cooks and cleans but has no idea what to buy him for his birthday or Christmas.

Superficially, Gil ignores his mother. She’s like part of the furniture. Although she has tried to be both mum and dad, Gil classifies her mostly as ‘not dad’ and when she nags him about his physical or emotional health, he shuts her off. He understands that this is rough on her but does it anyway.

Gil’s boss is James. James doesn’t care very much how Gil feels, he just wants the job done. From Gil’s point of view, this is great. James lets Gil do the work without getting in his way, and when the job can’t be done or isn’t clear, James will take the time to find out why and either educate Gil or fix the situation. Gil likes the boundaries and his expectations are managed well.

Megan is a co-worker at McDonalds. Gil has not kept in contact with anyone from his school days and is generally cocooned by his gaming and technology. Megan, however, has taken a shine to him and tries to engage him in conversation. She’s a year younger than he is, and in his own mind, she’s ‘kinda cute.’ However, he has no real model for relational behaviour. Without seeing his mum and dad interact, his role models for relationships are TV, games and online pornography (which he classifies in his mind as ‘erotica’). He doesn’t really know how to respond to her.

Character traits

It turns out that Gil could get by quite happily without his glasses but wears them for two very specific reasons. The first is that his eyes are quite wide-set, and without them, he thinks that his face looks a bit like a plastic doll’s face when someone has pushed the bridge of the nose in. The second is that he discovered over time that people took his input regarding technical matters more seriously when he wore them.

Gil has an almost mystical rapport with machines. He’s the go-to guy whenever some piece of technology plays up. It’s almost embarrassing when people ask for help, because when he shows up, the machines generally just start behaving. The person who asked for help usually starts trying to convince him that there really was a problem, and he believes them, but doesn’t know how to put them at ease. He usually just mumbles something inane (he thinks) and goes back to what he was doing. He doesn’t know why or how things come together when he gets there … it just does. Oh, if the problem persists, he can figure it out almost every time, but usually things straighten themselves out. This is why he’s given the responsibility for the kiosks at work. Under his supervision, they just work. When someone else takes over, it seems like one is breaking down every second day.

He calls himself ‘Gil’ rather than ‘Gilbert,’ because that’s how his parents abbreviated his name. Children in the first couple of years at school took no real notice of this until one of them realised that this sounded like ‘gill’, and fish breathe with gills. So someone started calling him ‘Fish-breath,’ which evolved into ‘Stinky.’ He doesn’t consciously remember this, but he always chooses to buy more expensive deodorants and aftershave products. He won’t go anywhere without cleaning his teeth.

A typical day

A typical day for Gil is to wake at 7am, have breakfast (toast and cereal). He works a day shift at McDonalds, eating lunch in the restaurant. He comes home and plays his X-box until dinner time, then he leaves the table and either continues gaming or watches Netflix. Then he goes to bed around 11pm or midnight.

Question 2

This question was to take a brief factual description of some space, and then develop an atmospheric evocative description of the space. I chose my home office.

The factual description

This room is a top-storey three by three-and-a-half metre bedroom, repurposed as an office. There is a south-facing window that looks out over the top of other houses and trees, out to a hill with a cell-tower on top.

Looking around the room, the salient features are a mattress lying on the floor in front of a built-in wardrobe, a couple of chairs, a desk and computer equipment. There are also several stacks of paper, boxes and bags. One of the stacks contains loose paper, and old keyboard, a cylindrical plastic half-full CD container and a frypan.

Of the chairs, one is larger, positioned in front of the desk, and has no armrests. This is clearly the work chair. The other has a cloth nappy on it. Both are good-quality office chairs, and they stand on heavy plastic carpet protector mats that have been patched with gaffer tape where they’ve cracked.

The desk has moulded aluminium supports instead of legs, and the top is a board with a white enamel veneer. It is cluttered. There are cables and more cables, a keyboard, mouse and mouse mat, a laptop computer and two large monitors. The computer tower sits on the floor beside the desk, because clearly, there isn’t space for it on the desk itself. There are also some toys: a ForeverSpin dock with five tops and a ForeverBase; a pewter statuette of Yoda with a lightsabre; and a folding knife with a five-inch blade.

The computers are of high quality, and both monitors are 4K displays. There is an uninterruptible power supply behind the computer. The quality of the equipment seems at odds with the general clutter.

The atmospheric evocative description

Dust. That was his first impression. All of the surfaces were lightly coated with dust. Here and there, someone had made an effort to wipe a surface, but clearly, the dust was winning. It was not the dust of abandonment—it was the dust of not caring.

There was evidence of activity in the keyboard’s shiny keys and the worn mouse buttons, but it was due to the requirements of duty, not delight. Lights on various devices flashed and flickered in a desultory fashion, resigned to conveying information that would never be acknowledged. Admittedly, the computer and its peripherals were of high quality, but they were old enough for it to be obvious that the occupant didn’t care enough to update. Similarly, the pewter statuette of Yoda and the ForeverSpin tops were quality items, but like everything else in the room, they were succumbing to the insidious advance of the dust. No-one had picked them up recently. And the rest of clutter on the desk? It seemed that the occupant was in the habit of picking things up, and then just putting them down instead of putting them away. It was not the clutter of creative activity, and it held nothing of interest.

There was no artwork on the walls, and the light grudgingly admitted by the windows seemed pale and somehow bleak. The mattress on the floor appeared lifeless and uninviting, as if it offered a short and shallow period of death instead of the opportunity to rest and be revived. Whatever was in the wardrobe itself remained hidden and unregarded, and maybe it was better so.

Writing fiction – assignment 2

Question 1

This question asked about themes that were appropriate for different categories of stories.

Themes appropriate for suspense

  • Pawns can become queens
  • Nothing is as it appears / no-one is as they appear
  • Trust no-one / anyone can betray you
  • Be afraid … someone is watching / you cannot hide anything

Themes appropriate for murder mystery

  • Crime doesn’t pay / you’ll never get away with it / status doesn’t protect you from the law
  • There is always someone smarter
  • The end doesn’t justify the means
  • As a twist in the tail: if you have enough money or power, you can get away with anything

Themes appropriate for modern day fantasy

  • Beauty can be found (and experienced) wherever you look
  • You are more powerful than you believe
  • You are part of a greater story with a role to play in a great adventure
  • There is more to life than what you see with your eyes
  • There is the regular “good conquers evil” theme, but what is “good” and what is “evil” is being increasingly blurred by the advent of anti-heroes such as Thomas Covenant and Deadpool

Themes appropriate for science fiction

  • There will always be dangerous unintended consequences
  • Lack of knowledge can kill you
  • Whatever the odds, humanity will overcome
  • Human nature remains the same despite the setting … whether utopian, dystopian or anything in between

Question 2

This question asked me to develop a plot around a nominated theme. I chose “dangerous unintended consequences”.

Causative action

A biomechanical researcher develops nanotechnology that can rebuild people’s ocular lenses in-situ to make the person’s vision perfect. Her employer takes the product to market before a proper course of testing and trials.

Complication 1

The manufactured lenses don’t last, and decay within a couple of years. The people who have undergone the initial treatment face further treatment or blindness.

Rising action 1

Lawsuits are brought against the company, and the company holds the researcher responsible for the problem, despite her opposition to having the technology released so quickly. She has to come up with a solution to the problem, and spends a lot of time in the lab, neglecting family and friends.

Climax 1

The researcher discovers the problem with the technology and produces a fix that allows the manufactured lens to last indefinitely.

Falling action 1

Patients are brought in, undergo a procedure that introduces still more nanotechnology into their eyes, and their lenses are built as required.

Complication 2

Some patients’ original nanotechnology hadn’t completely degraded before the second application. There are adverse reactions between the two versions of the treatment, and over time, they produce a corrupted form of the lens material that escapes the confines of the eye, causing deposits to form in the brain.

Rising action 2

We see personality changes in the patients we’ve been following from the start. People around them become suspicious, and one patient’s spouse (a neurologist) recognises the changes as being similar to a brain tumour. The patient undergoes a scan, the deposits are found, and the cause is identified. By this time, the effects are irreversible, and patients start to die.

Our researcher (the protagonist) experiences crushing guilt. Her employer starts talking to her, endeavouring to keep her quiet in case she starts pointing her finger at their procedures. Her grief turns to rage, and she publishes all of her notes and memos to the internet. The company attempts to discredit her, then kill her.

Climax 2

The company’s manipulations misfire, and it is exposed.

Falling action 2

The researcher lives, but still feels guilt at what has been happened to her patients. Outraged and bereaved relatives still seek revenge and/or compensation, but from company rather than the researcher.

Denouement

The reality of what they’ve done is brought home to those in the company responsible for pushing the technology to market, and they are imprisoned. The researcher leaves her profession because of her grief, and joins (or founds) a technology watchdog organisation.

Question 3

This was an analysis of the first few pages of two stories from the same categories. I chose Jack and Jill (the third book in the Alex Cross series) by James Patterson, and Tripwire (the third book in the Jack Reacher series) by Lee Child.

Because there was nothing particularly creative in this analysis, I’ve not included the text here.

Writing fiction – assignment 1

I enrolled in the Writing Fiction course offered by ACS Distance Education. As I started submitting my assignments, I found myself wanting to show people what I’d written — yes, I’m just as hungry for approval as any other (wannabe) writer. So rather than having to pull up my OneDrive documents, and zoom and pinch to make the documents readable on my phone, I thought I’d add the relevant segments to a special category of my blog.

Question 1

This was an analysis of a short story that is available here: http://www.intergalacticmedicineshow.com/cgi-bin/mag.cgi?do=issue&vol=isample&article=_002. It’s “The Sound of Distant Thunder” by Mike Barretta. Because it does not require me to come up with any thing new, I’ve not included the answer here.

Question 2

This question asked how I would turn this story into a story from a different category. I chose to say how I would turn it into a suspense story.

The last segment of this story explains the origin of the Tutors, and their reason for being. To turn this into a suspense story, I would introduce the man (and the shadowy organisation behind him) at the start of the story, but withhold his motivation. I would gradually reveal this motivation at various stages of the story. The man would be perceived as a puppet master who casts the Tutors into the world, seeking children with great potential for him to exploit for his own (possibly nefarious) ends.

The reader would be given a glimpse of this man as Tutor DX113-044 reports on Diallo’s progress at the beginning. He steeples his fingers and murmurs sotto voce, “Ah, Diallo. Come to me. See what I can do with you.”

He is controlling the Wraith, and is Diallo’s real (but unseen) opponent. He admires the boy’s skill, but predicts future trials and wonders at his ability to overcome.

The author mentions brain farms … the reader would be encouraged to consider whether the man wants Diallo for inclusion in one such enterprise.

Every obstacle faced by Diallo could be interpreted as being arranged by this man. As Diallo continues to overcome, the reader would be encouraged to wonder whether the man regards the boy as a threat but is constrained from acting openly.

As Diallo approaches the house at the end of the story, he would reflect over the challenges he has faced, and consider how the destiny he sought has been thwarted thus far. Is the door he is approaching just one more obstacle? Will this be challenge that defeats him? Perhaps kills him? The man would have seen him approaching from the day before. He would be eager for the boy to come to him, because he can’t be seen to be trying to entice anyone to his house. The man’s anticipation would serve to contrast Diallo’s nervousness until the tension resolves when he opens the door: “Diallo! Your journey has been hard, my boy … but welcome home. Welcome to the stars.”

Question 3

This question asked about what categories of story I’m most suited to writing, and then asked to explain and differentiate between them.

I believe I’m most suited to write science fiction, fantasy and comedy. Having said that, I’m not entirely sure that comedy is something that must stand apart from either or the other two categories. Yes, you can have stories that are written purely to amuse, but Terry Pratchett wrote laugh-out-loud satire set in in a fantasy world, and Douglas Adams wrote similarly funny science fiction.

For me, there are two main differences between science fiction and fantasy. The first is the treatment of the supernatural aspects of the story. If something seemingly supernatural becomes part of a science fiction story, the protagonist is likely to be trying to find an explanation for it, or accepting it as some as yet unexplained phenomenon or the remnant technology of a superior race. There is nothing beyond physics and evolution as an explanation for any event or state of being. Fantasy embraces the unknown as the province of gods or spirits, and people can have influence over these elemental forces by using arcane ritual or occult knowledge.

The second main difference in my mind is the nature of the conflict presented in the two categories. Conflict in science fiction is generally psychological, sociological or physical, or represented by people solving problems presented by nature. Conflict in fantasy is more likely to be between forces of good and evil. From this point of view, I’d say that Star Trek was a science fiction collection, and Star Wars was more of a set of fantasy stories.

Out in the bush

Out in the bush
All pressure gone
The sun is warm
The billy’s on

I feel the breeze
I smell the pine
I hear the birds
And peace is mine

The eucalypt
And turpentine
Make atmosphere
Almost divine

BUT …

A pair of days
Out in the rough
However good
Are not enough

The Magnificent Surrender

It seems to me that the Christian life is a life of surrender. Well, duh. We hear about it pretty much all the time, right? Well, I happen to think it’s true.

At the end of last year, we had a series of sermons from different people about “The Magnificent Surrender”.  They were all great, and if I recall correctly, they were mainly about the surrender to Jesus as saviour. That’s great, that’s a major theme in the Bible, and that’s where this post starts. Having said that, I think that there is more surrender to consider as we mature in Christ.

The surrender to salvation

Daryl Braithwaite’s album “Edge” has a song “In my life”, and it’s one of the saddest songs that I know. Here are the verses from the song.

Faith won’t save you
It’s too busy with its own
So save yourself or drown
Proofs are burning
Like the autumn leaves on the ground
They were swept there out the way

Goodbye heaven
It’s no place that I could go
I’d never save myself
Down salvation road
Walk people that I know
Yes I’m on my own from here

Yes, we can reject salvation, and we use so many reasons:

  • I don’t want to be saved
  • I don’t need to be saved
  • I don’t deserve to be saved
  • I can’t be saved
  • I’ll save myself

These are not statements of surrender, but of pride. We put ourselves above, below or beyond God’s reach, or simply deny him. If you believe any of these statements and can feel God calling you, it’s worth putting that belief aside, and surrendering so that you can be saved.

The surrender to love

As I said above, the “Magnificent Surrender” series of messages focused on us surrendering to Jesus to be saved. However, I think that there is a second surrender, and that is to Jesus’ love for us. For whatever reason, people don’t want to or can’t accept that love. The idea that God’s grace is given freely, that we can’t buy our salvation, seems to sit poorly with us. We keep trying to do things to buy his favour, and work for our salvation instead of simply receiving his love.

I wonder if there is something in me that resents someone who gives a gift, because of the perceived obligation, because I believe I have to return the favour. But from what I can tell, there is no justice involved in God’s love. It’s given freely, and there are no strings attached.

I started staying at church between services on Sunday. Not every Sunday, but maybe once a month. The church was generally empty by around 12.30pm, and nobody came back until 4.30pm, so I figured that I could get some alone time with Jesus, and maybe make sure the place was clean (physically and spiritually) for the evening services. So I was stretched out on the carpet at the front of the church, listening to some of Kimberly and Alberto Rivera’s instrumental music, but more, listening for his voice. And he did speak to me. He started out with “You know Phil, anyone could have stayed here this afternoon.” Then he paused. I started thinking. Well, that’s … hmm. Yep, anyone could. Maybe I should have tried to get someone else to stay. Maybe … Then he cut into my train of thought. “But I’m really glad it was you.”

I was getting all geared up to make myself of no account. Yes, anyone could have done it. Anyone could have fitted the bill. It didn’t have to be me, I’m just a cog … But no! He was glad it was me. Really glad. It brought me to tears.

Wide, wide as the ocean, high as the heaven above
Deep, deep as the deepest sea is my Savior’s love
I, though so unworthy, still am a child of His care
For His Word teaches me that His love reaches me everywhere

The surrender to use

God has a use for you, and it may not be what you think it is. I’m not talking about you being in ministry necessarily, I’m talking about you, walking out your salvation in fear and trembling, in love for him, and being who you were created to be.

I’m not saying that he will find a use for you. In my mind, this translates to God puttering around in his workshop, and discovering you sitting you there. He picks you up, turns you around, scratches his head, and says “Huh.” Then he starts looking around for some place you fit, something you’re good for. No! God will never find a use for you. He has created you with gifts and desires, and knows exactly what you’re good for. He knows the situations you’ll bring his light to, the people whose needs you’re perfectly suited to meeting.

There is a role for you, but you need to surrender to it.

Let me tell you another story. I’m very much a behind-the-scenes kind of a person. After a few years at church, our pastors started saying that I had a pastor’s heart, and when my wife and I started heading up the prayer functions of the church, they called us “prayer pastors”. Internally I rolled my eyes and rejected the label. I mean, pastors are all that, right? They’re out front. They’re public figures. Definitely not me.

Anyway, one Sunday, I’d rostered a few people on for pre-service prayer, and it turns out that none of them could make it, except me. So I figured I’d exchange quality for quantity, and instead of getting there an hour before the service, I’d start two hours early. So I was there, on my knees, when I heard someone else come into the building. It was the drummer, who is also in the church soccer team. I got up, and went to chat with him a bit. Turns out that it had been a good game the day before, and he was feeling pretty good about it. I wandered back to the prayer room (actually, it’s the mother’s room, but we repurpose it for such occasions).

I prayed for a bit longer, opening my heart to Jesus, and listening for what he wanted to do that morning. Then I heard someone else come in. It was one of the A/V folk, and we’d prayed for her at the prayer meeting the previous Wednesday. So I got up again, and went out for another chat. I asked how she was doing, and said that we’d been praying for her. She asked why, and I told her that we cared about her, and wanted things to go well for her. Shortly after I wandered back to the prayer room.

I kept praying, and then someone else came in. He’s a young dad, and I admire the way he’s walking out that sacred role. So I got up again, and strolled to the front of the church where he was standing. I told him that I love the way he’s going about being a dad. I just wanted to encourage him, you know? Let him know that what he’s doing isn’t just going unnoticed, and that he’s setting a great example.

Anyway, I wandered back to the prayer room, and didn’t get back on my knees again, because they’d had enough. I stood there for a moment, looking out of the window in the wall at these three people, and simply gave thanks to God for the three of them. He said, “Tend my sheep.”

Turns out that my knees hadn’t had enough, because I fell on them again and wept.

I have this idea that we are God’s currency in this world, and he will spend us as he sees fit. If you haven’t read it, Ted Dekker’s Heaven’s Wager illustrates this. The thing is, if I surrender to the calling on my life, if I reject the agenda that I’ve worked out independently of him, I’m going to delight in being spent by him, for him. Will it always be easy? No. But it will be right, and there will be peace.